Long lost author returns!

I'm drunk...realized I need to blog more...reset my forgotten password...and will uphold my promise to return with new, exciting  blogs! Okay...maybe not exciting, but definetly new.

Nighty night.

How can my heart break when it wasn't even whole to start with.

I put everything I have into everything I do. Jobs, relationships...they get my all.

So why is it...that I feel I don't ever get people's "all"?

Maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe if I stop expecting it I'll get it someday. Maybe I was meant to be alone. Maybe I'm choosing the wrong people.

I just don't want to settle for anything less than what I want and deserve, and I feel like I am constantly doing that.

If you love someone....you say it. Simple as that.

Believe you can and you're halfway there.

I haven't blogged in almost 2 months...that seems wrong. I should really try for at least ONCE a month, I mean geez. It's the least I could do taking up valuable interweb space.

So let's see...I don't really have anything monumental to divulge, but we'll just go ahead and throw out what's been going on since March 27th.

April...there was rain...lot's of it. The boyfriend's birthday came and went, and we are not the same age again. I really hate those 3 months in between that I'm older. Makes me feel weird. Even though there's no reason it should.

More about the boy...he is finally opening up more and making me feel like there is a future to this relationship. We've had a lot of fun recently and it's mostly due to that fact. I find it easier to relax, be open, and comfortable with him, knowing he sees me in the distant future. We've planned a Vermont trip in July, and a trip to Minnesota for a New Years Day Bears game. =D woot! He came to Easter family dinner, as well as a family Birthday party...all within a month. I praise and glorify him. haha. He's a brave dude.

Moving on...my 20 year old sister is pregnant. Yep.

There goes the societal order of things in this family.

It was supposed to be me getting engaged, and married, and having a baby. I'm the oldest, and I just pictured things differently.

But...things are, instead...all three of my parents children in their twenties, living at home, one jobless, one pregnant, and one who feels like she still has a chance to make everyone proud of her.

Memorial day is coming up this weekend, and I'm hoping to just have a great relaxing, care free time with my man, and our friends and family.

Til next time...

We are always running for the thrill of it...

Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it.

I think it's kinda funny

Things can change so quickly. Sometimes, within the blink of an eye. Sometimes, it's hard to even pinpoint the exact moment things changed. Sometimes, it doesn't matter because whatever changed is for the better and has pasted your face with a permanent smile, and all you can think about is rainbows, butterflies, and baskets of kittens. There's no reason to search and sift through your memories to find that split millisecond in time where your universe shifted, because the change has made you blissfully, and ridiculously happy. It's then that change is praised, and accepted, rather than cursed upon. Like when whatever changes in your life leaves you devastated, and huddled in the corner. Lost for words, and scouring through your brain to try and discover what happened and when to make things the way they have become. Hours spent lying awake, wishing...hoping for an answer that sometimes never comes.

It's funny, how volatile our relationship is with change. It is a necessary evil in this world though...because sometimes, things need to change.

And I wonder, when I sing along with you...

If everything could ever feel this real forever.

If anything could ever be this good again....

Right now. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Squint your eyes, and look closer...

I'm not between you and your ambition.

I'm not that girl...