Mind is a razorblade

I have trouble sleeping at night. Mostly, because I don't know how to turn off my thoughts. Unless under the influence of alcohol or mary jane, it takes hours for my mind to finally exhaust itself from the chaos inside.

Any recommendations?

I yearn for simplicity

Which feels unattainable in such a complicated world...

I think...

I may be the only person my age who hasn't been to Vegas. I wanna go. This year.

That is all.

Seriously...

I must be fucking kidding myself. I need to just grow a set, and get on with it.

Even diamonds start as coal...

I can name all the reasons that I love you. I wonder if you can do the same, or if you even love me at all. Love isn't perfect...and I think many people expect it to be. If perfection is what you seek, I fear you will end up alone. I will gladly take the good with the bad to be with you, can you say the same?

Just tell me I'm here for a reason.

It always feels like there is just one person in the world to love....and then you find someone else, and you wonder why you were ever worried in the first place.

I have always made it clear that I simply do not believe there is only one soul mate for each of us. I mean, come on. That would be such a stupid system. Everyone has multiple soul mates. This is just the way it is.

Now, maybe you'll only need one of yours in your lifetime. That's great...that's wonderful. Some of us may need more than one.

I've been through my fair share of heart breaks....the kind that shattered my world and left me with nothing. Literally...no job, no house...not even a bed. I mean...all I had were my clothes and some pillows. I guess technically that's something, but I made it out alive.

I'm still standing...still breathing...

I find myself constantly thinking about the entire concept of love, and the previous statements I made...are what I really believe. So I wonder then, why it's so hard for me to live by them?

I know that I am a person who deserves love, and is ready and open to share my life. I want that...I've always wanted that. Yet, I always find myself with someone who holds back from me.

And then I start to think...maybe...maybe I don't deserve it...what am I doing wrong....am I meant to be alone?

I don't know...and being in love with a person and not knowing where they stand is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world.

I'm a strong person...but I can only take so much. Because just as I am strong, I am resilient as well...

Even though I know better...

I stick around.

Even though I deserve better...I stick around.

Even though I know things you think I don't....I stick around.

This doesn't mean I don't care...it means you don't care enough.

Maybe it doesn't mean that either, but if not...you should tell me.

I won't wait forever, even though right now it seems I will.

My heart can only take so much...your secrets will eat away at me and break me down.

My love's too big for you my love...

And no, I don't believe in soul mates...but I believe in love...and I believe in ever afters, and I want one all my own.

I don't want to be the second choice...over the one that you let go.

If none of this can change...and you leave me high and dry...I won't shed a tear for the love that you let die.